Finding a good partner can be difficult for truckers who spend a lot of time on the road. Although for some people freedom and independence can be the key to a successful relationship while for others, balance, confidence and accepting the distance can be a real obstacle.
How to establish balance in a relationship? How to nurture a feeling of confidence? How to live a harmonious relationship despite the distance? Is there a perfect recipe to live and maintain happiness within our romantic relationship?
Balance in a relationship
According to Yvon Dallaire, psychologist, author and lecturer in conjugal relations, there are four dimensions to our life to flourish and live a happy life. The four dimensions boil down to four Ps: partner, professional life, parent, private life.
Each of these dimensions must occupy 25% of our total time to live in a proper balance. The relationship should not represent 100% of our life, we must learn to keep time for our career, family life and our secret garden.
To illustrate the concept of the four Ps, we can imagine a table with four legs. Each leg represents a dimension. Each legs of the table should be proportional to each other so that the table has a good balance, and this is the same with the four dimensions. If there is a bouquet of flowers on the table, so that it doesn’t fall to the ground, we must recognize ourselves as partner’s, parent’s, professional’s and keep time for ourselves.
Truckers who leave home for several days at a time as part of their work can find themselves in a particular situation especially if they are passionate of their job, trying to fulfill two needs at the same time, that of professional life and private life. It’s rather possible to take some time for yourself whilst being in the truck, but you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. If necessary, you can also take time for yourself at home. It’s all about finding the perfect balance.
Sometimes it’s difficult to be able to devote 25% of your time to your beloved one because of the time spent on the road. Thus, it’s important that the time spent with your partner is of good quality and don’t forget to make them know that you’re thinking about them whilst you’re on the road.
Your spouse thinks you are paying to much attention to trucks? Find an activity that both of you love! A passion that can rejoin both of you, play games together and go see shows. Have short, medium, long term plans to increase the probability of being happier and staying together longer.
Games are an incredibly good way for spending time together, some games can even be played directly from your mobile phone, from the cab of your truck with your partner being at home.
Nurturing a sense of confidence
For many people, the unknown can be frightening. It can therefore be difficult for some partners to understand how it works for truckers on the road, to separate the reality from the famous “rumors of the 401”.
The best way to reassure the person you treasure is to reassure them about the reality of transportation, your priorities and the love you have for them. And why not give them a truck ride? By discovering by themselves how you live on the road, where you park, how it goes, confidence can be established. A healthy communication can then make their confidence flourish.
Harmonious relationship despite the distance
In an interview accorded with Truck Stop Quebec, Yvon Dallaire suggests securing your partner by reminding them that even despite the distance, that you care about them. He gives the idea, among other things, to write little letters and hide them so that the other can find them during your absence, a simple and inexpensive way that your partner will feel close to you even if you’re far away.
Can’t seem to get back in time for her birthday? Send flowers, or a fruit basket! Offer her a massage or a day at the spa that she can take when you are gone and thus strengthen her relationship experience in a positive way, even when you’re away.
The secret of happy couples
It’s rare for two people to have the same needs at the same time, whether you’re in a truck driver relationship or not.
« The couple is a crucible that generates crises, and we must learn to overcome them, » explains Yvon Dallaire. « Couples are built through difficult times and conflicts in which we try to find double-winner agreement. »
Happy couples also have unsolvable problems and conflicts. Why do they still manage to find happiness?
« These happy couples manage their problems, they don’t solve them », says Yvon Dallaire. « If you’re financially insecure and your partner is financially secure, it’s insoluble, the best solution for this is that both partners should share the same attitude towards money. »
« So, when we can manage a double-winner agreement, for example by making a budget in which there is a savings account, making the insecure partner secure, and so that the secure partner who wants to enjoy their money can do it, now everyone is happy. It’s managing the differences, whether between two people of the opposite sex or of the same sex. »
It is important to dialogue, on the condition that the content of the dialogue is positive! Some couples experience communication problems, but this can take two completely opposite directions. Either the couple isn’t talking at all, or they talk to each other but by discussing the wrong content.
« If every time I talk to my partner and I tell them about their flaws, or of what they should change, or all the bullshit that has been done in the past, what will they give me in return? » asks Yvon Dallaire. « Among happy couples, we find that there are ten times more compliments than blame. There will be reproaches, but they’re compensated by compliments, by “I love you’s”. »
Many couples separate prematurely because from the first crisis, the picture person that you thought was is no longer. The princess turns into a witch, and the prince becomes into a toad again!
« The misters must learn that the word witchcraft means wisdom and knowledge. Madam’s must learn that a toad is also a beautiful manifestation of life », says Yvon Dallaire laughing.
Still according the renowned international psychologist, there are four fundamental elements for a relationship to succeed:
- Love and good faith.
- Knowledge of the small differences between men and women which have large consequences.
- Ignorance of the inevitable dynamics of living together.
- The efforts to stop doing what’s not working, like screaming each other’s heads off, and put into practice what works, like giving each other compliments and learning to manage our paradoxes.
Do you have this impression that your relationship brings you more inconvenience than benefits? You’re no longer happy and believe that it’s time to put an end to your relationship? Failing to succeed your relationship, it’s entirely possible to succeed in your separation, by doing it in a calm and respectful way towards other. Don’t forget that you can always ask for some professional advice if you’re in a difficult situation, especially when children are involved.
And don’t forget, as Benoit Magimel puts it so well… « Happiness is found alone and is shared with someone ».